Hello,

Got delayed in Indonesia due to our booking being lost to the ether..just vanished into cyberspace like a virtual muntjak.

We flew into Terminal 5 with some trepidation but amazingly all went smoothly, bar a wait for the bags of an hour. During which we were funnelled like reluctant woodlice to a Costa Coffee, where the ridged cups of milky despair are routinely doled out by unsmiling Slavic frothbots.. The building itself looks impressive, huge shiny pillars arching upwards, connected with great bolts and plates to other equally huge struts that are slightly on a slant to the uprights. This does give the dizzying impression that the whole structure is about to fall over, so the combination of that and the coughey combines to create nausea. My advice for travellers to T5, keep your eyes and mouth clamped shut and hope for the assistance of strangers.

What is this lunacy of making people pledge allegiance to the Queen? I could understand if it was allegiance to the band Queen. Every day before assembly in schools up and down the land, pupil and teacher alike stand and chant "Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality". I could get behind that.

All is busy here at Tinsel Towers. The Wormes are burrowing round the clock to prepare the Tinselworm @ Wembley dvd for your perusal. I have begun a new diet, no carbs, no fruit, just honey, cereal and a box of pralines every other day to stop you from fainting.

Last night I performed at the benefit for SOS Sumatran Orangutan Society at the Lyceum. And got to duet with Chrisse Hynde. What a great honour, and what larks!

The founder of SOS is a remarkable woman called Lucy Wisdom and you can do me a favour here if you like. She has been nominated for an Ethical Business award by the magazine Eve, and you can vote for her via a website www.activatemoney.com, click on 'Triodos Awards - Women in Ethical Business' then click on 'EVE voting and prize draw'. Click on Lucy's name and leave an email address. Eh voila! Ta very much. It would be wonderful recognition for both her and SOS.