Bill's Blog

I'm in the middle of the tour now, and it's been going well.. plenty of applied weirdness along the way. In Auckland, on the opening night, after 4 seconds of the gig, some bloke shouted out 'it's too loud' after which someone else said 'it's too quiet'. I then went round testing all the instruments as a kind of audience sound check.. quite the strangest start to a gig I've had in a long while. Also there, we had to move hotels, because the hotel er..stopped being a hotel during our stay, and became apartments..I've seen plenty of hotel strife over the years on tour, bomb threats, fires, flooding, hotel's not built, but I can't ever remember a hotel changing function mid-stay..

Can't believe the LHC is finally being switched on, will be fascinating to see what happens - so many people know about this now, and I overhear conversations about it everywhere..there's a great interview with Stephen Hawking on the BBC about it, he has bet $100 that they won't find the Higgs Boson.

Looking forward to the rest of the gigs, hope to see some of you along the way.

Keep an eye on Switzerland.

Bill

It was quite a thrill to be asked on to Desert Island Discs, a bit like getting a knighthood without the militaristic connotations. An endorsement if you will, a validation.. I've been a fan of 'Discs for quite some time, and the castaways are usually venerable politicians and esteemed writers, Nobel Prize Winners, former Secretary Generals of the UN, and captains of industry, basically some right top bananas. I'm guessing probably not many picked The Undertones. You can get my choices from the BBC website, but those 8 are the short list, I had to leave off quite a bit as you can imagine. Had to choose between Ever Fallen In Love and Teenage Kicks, the latter got the nod, only because I saw The Undertones at the Colston Hall and 'Desert is quite a personal journey through your life, and this was a vivid memory (if anyone was there, or can remember the year then let me know - would love to hear your thoughts on it). I seriously did want to be the Talking Heads keyboard player, and I will maybe try and shout that out at The Tom Tom Club gig at Meltdown next week..Would have loved to put in some of David Byrne's solo stuff also.. The King Curtis track, Memphis Soul Stew is a corker, and is about 7 minutes long, so they only had time to play the last 2 (instrumental minutes) but check out the whole track, because the best bit is at the beginning when King is introducing the band members one by one, as they start playing as 'ingredients' in the 'stew'...' a little pinch of Mississipi congeros' .. 'gimme 'bout a half a teacup..of bass!' - brilliant. We played a couple of Bowie covers in my first band, but Rebel made it in over Suffragette City, or Moonage Daydream. I was such a Pretenders fan, so that was a hard choice, Kid, Up the Neck, I Go to Sleep, Private Life, Message of Love, Back on the Chain Gang the list was going on..eventually went with Talk of the Town, great song and is typical of the sound, Chrissie Hynde's classic vocal and James Honeyman-Scott's jangling rich guitar sound -
don't get me started - I'll be here all day and the chameleons won't feed themselves..
hope to see you all at a large temporary marquee-type structure somewhere soon,
'Maybe tomorrow, maybe someday..'
b

Hello,

Got delayed in Indonesia due to our booking being lost to the ether..just vanished into cyberspace like a virtual muntjak.

We flew into Terminal 5 with some trepidation but amazingly all went smoothly, bar a wait for the bags of an hour. During which we were funnelled like reluctant woodlice to a Costa Coffee, where the ridged cups of milky despair are routinely doled out by unsmiling Slavic frothbots.. The building itself looks impressive, huge shiny pillars arching upwards, connected with great bolts and plates to other equally huge struts that are slightly on a slant to the uprights. This does give the dizzying impression that the whole structure is about to fall over, so the combination of that and the coughey combines to create nausea. My advice for travellers to T5, keep your eyes and mouth clamped shut and hope for the assistance of strangers.

What is this lunacy of making people pledge allegiance to the Queen? I could understand if it was allegiance to the band Queen. Every day before assembly in schools up and down the land, pupil and teacher alike stand and chant "Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality". I could get behind that.

All is busy here at Tinsel Towers. The Wormes are burrowing round the clock to prepare the Tinselworm @ Wembley dvd for your perusal. I have begun a new diet, no carbs, no fruit, just honey, cereal and a box of pralines every other day to stop you from fainting.

Last night I performed at the benefit for SOS Sumatran Orangutan Society at the Lyceum. And got to duet with Chrisse Hynde. What a great honour, and what larks!

The founder of SOS is a remarkable woman called Lucy Wisdom and you can do me a favour here if you like. She has been nominated for an Ethical Business award by the magazine Eve, and you can vote for her via a website www.activatemoney.com, click on 'Triodos Awards - Women in Ethical Business' then click on 'EVE voting and prize draw'. Click on Lucy's name and leave an email address. Eh voila! Ta very much. It would be wonderful recognition for both her and SOS.

It's been a busy time these last few weeks. Finished the Museum of Curiosity, which is going out now and what a lark that was. The WSPA benefit at the Hammersmith Apollo ended with my 4 year old son booting Robin Ince up the arse as he danced in a bear suit for the amusement of many people, not least myself.

The Helper Wormes have been most obliging and have woven a new, static site to go alongside the twiddly one. For those of you without Flash, or if your diary is so busy you can't bear to wait, you can get at the stuff quicker.

Been at a radio recording for The Ragged Trouserd Philanthropists all week, something which Johnny Vegas has organised and asked me to do, and I was glad to oblige. During which , me and Kevin The Actor Eldon nipped into the Toxick Caverne of Woe, the West End to be photographed wearing huge orange pants bearing the slogan Fair Trial My Arse, to keep up the pressure on the gov. about the poor sods still banged up in Guantanamo without trial. Clive Stafford-Smith of Reprieve was accused of trying to smuggle pants into the inmates - don't know exactly what they thought, whether these were laser pants , or special inflatable pants they could swim away on. The thing was hosted by the lovely people at LUSH so much love and respect to the alluring soap-bomb wranglers.

Also did a photo shoot for the forthcoming doco I made about Stonehenge for The History Channel. They had me got up in a load of hippy gear leaping about in a disused car-factory in Ladbroke Grove, which is probably what I would have been doing on a day-off anyway.

Could also be doing Tinselworm Part 2 in the West End of London this Autumn, as well as sorting out the OZ and NZ dates.. all go, no rest for the bearded. Onward onward I say. BB

IAR has set up sanctuaries in India to look after the rescued bears, but it desperately needs further funding to provide extra land and facilities . In the past four years they have already rescued nearly 400 bears, but it is estimated that there may still be several hundred being 'danced' on the streets.

I went to India in November 2005 with IAR and visited the sanctuaries, which are fantastic havens for these poor creatures. The bears might live for up to forty years, but once they're taken off the streets, they can't be released back into the wild as they have become too accustomed to human contact. These sanctuaries are vital not just for the well-being of these damaged animals, but for their survival.

If you want to find out more about the work of International Animal Rescue, or support them with a donation and help to end the suffering of the dancing bears, go to the website www.iar.org.uk or give them a ring on 01825 767688 and tell them I sent you!

It's that time of year again, when the aroma of fresh donuts merges with generator diesel, when incense, Lynx and human ordure create an hallucinogenic triumvirate of sensaround magnificence. It's time to stumble across a ploughed field with a paper cup of warm lager and a cold burrito, lose your phone, squint at the stage and say to someone, 'Who's on now?' And it is fantastic..I will personally never forget the indefatigable spirit of one man who sat Buddha-like on his tent groundsheet as it was slowly borne away on a river of liquid mud, his can of Tennents held aloft in defiance.
Some Feeble Soles choose not to go to Festivalles for fear of Scurvie, or the Dredded Pox.. whiche they are more likelie to contracte in the Stinkinge Metropolitan squalor of Londone. Although the Facilityes are more plentifulle admytedly.

A big ol hairy thanks to all who attended the gig at the Lyceum. Good to see so many of you and it'll be a massive help to SOS, the Sumatran Orangutan Society. If, like me, you want to do all you can to save these lovely great ginger apes, check out their website and get involved.. Ta!
I don't know what the woman from Belgium was on about, but maybe that's not a bad thing..

Bonsoir les bloggistes. Here in the b.o.d. ( bunker of dreams) v.excited about the playing of the gigs in the enormodomes. But, I hear you say, what about the fact they are humungoid sheds such as you might process crabs in? Will that impair our viewing pleasure? Well, no because there'll be equally gargantuan screens and amplificatorio the like of which has never been all plugged in at the same time to normalise the gig-watching experience (and a small crab-shelling area). My aim for this tour is a show that could not be seen in any other venue, or fishing facility, that will transmogrify even the most Bond-like uber-barn with huge shiny things and massive lights and a gong and everything! Who knows, maybe even a fully operational Hosenbugler! Crab Nebula! I don't know why I said that.
busy week coming up what with doing Johnathan Ross's show and all. Where are the bees? Eh? Answer me that..you coiffured dandy I will say.. On with Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst from Spidey 3. Note. Must try not to blame them for the bee-exodus..
onward to victory
Bill

A huge thank you to all those who came to the BBC gigs. Watford, you were magnificent! QEH you rocked also! In a respectful way!

Listen out for your own interesting laughs/coughs/ringtones when it's broadcast on Friday at 7pm on Radio 3 as part of Comic Relief.

The event was not filmed, unfortunately, but we hope to rectify this later in the year when we take the show to some more venues round Britain. Details will follow.

Bill

The tour of Australia and New Zealand that was planned for this year will be postponed due to work commitments. It's being rescheduled for early in 2008.

Bill