Festivals
Posted by Bill on May 20th, 2007
It’s that time of year again, when the aroma of fresh donuts merges with generator diesel, when incense, Lynx and human ordure create an hallucinogenic triumvirate of sensaround magnificence. It’s time to stumble across a ploughed field with a paper cup of warm lager and a cold burrito, lose your phone, squint at the stage and say to someone, ‘Who’s on now?’ And it is fantastic..I will personally never forget the indefatigable spirit of one man who sat Buddha-like on his tent groundsheet as it was slowly borne away on a river of liquid mud, his can of Tennents held aloft in defiance.
Some Feeble Soles choose not to go to Festivalles for fear of Scurvie, or the Dredded Pox.. whiche they are more likelie to contracte in the Stinkinge Metropolitan squalor of Londone. Although the Facilityes are more plentifulle admytedly.
June 3rd, 2007 at 11:29 pm
So Bill, will you be stroking your beard in a field this summer as a “warm up”?
June 4th, 2007 at 2:59 am
Hey, I come from Edinburgh, please don’t mention the word festival yet, I’m just not ready…I’m still practicing how to shout “Please stay on the pavement! The buses won’t go around you!” in Spanish & Italian…
June 4th, 2007 at 9:56 am
ye solde it to me, all the glamoure, all the pageantry, all the portaloo splendour!
June 5th, 2007 at 3:13 pm
Bring on Glastonbury Bill!
June 6th, 2007 at 3:08 pm
Look Bill!
Someone’s tried it! you said that we must lunge wildly at the pope before we die!
do you realise the power you wield?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/6726441.stm
June 6th, 2007 at 4:00 pm
Bill was this you??!! Well done for ticking that one of the list!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/6
726441.stm
June 9th, 2007 at 2:49 am
Ahh, festivals. I do so love the memories of long ago festivals, humming rage over a lost penny whilst searching futiley for left sandals and car keys.
Bring on the scurvy, I say, for sensory recollection is a grand thing, and not to be thwarted over petty concern for health and safety.
Much love and luck, says I, (creepily, for you have no idea who I am).
June 11th, 2007 at 1:57 pm
I, like you, look like a character from asterix.
As a successful walrus face, you afford me great succour and largess. Your mix of country ribbaldry and urbane savvy (what is the noun for savvy?) together with your werewolf appearance helps has gone a long way to helping me grow as a rennaisance man after your own heart. Your moustache forms the bridge over which the intellectual shakes hands (somewhere near the nostrils)with the viking in all of us.
June 16th, 2007 at 4:07 pm
ignore the e-mail adress i only have it to take the mickey out of those retards called emo’s.
the only festival i can afford to go to this year is the pump in trowbridge how annoying and all i wanted to do was go to download and come back feeling like a pig had gone to the toilet in my head
oh and hear good music, how annoying is that!
June 17th, 2007 at 6:57 pm
Hi Bill, i would like to know if you had any thoughts on appering at Reading Festival?
June 18th, 2007 at 9:41 pm
I so totally know of which you speak. Brings back fond memories of my…early twenties, when I used to actually go to these things.
And any entry of yours that slowly and inexplicably dissolves into Ye Olde Middylle Englysh is going to make me giggle for the next ten minutes straight.
June 19th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
You’re so cool, Billy.
Will you marry me?
June 19th, 2007 at 5:22 pm
saw u at glastonbury 2003 & 2004 but could not find u 05. really excited bout this year, i’ll be the girl in the bill bailey for librarian t-shirt
June 20th, 2007 at 9:35 am
So does this mean you are playing Glastonbury? See you there if you are! I’ll be in the cinema field later today.
June 25th, 2007 at 11:29 pm
Just wanted to say cheers Bill for making my Glastonbury complete. Watched you in the Cabaret tent and you were hilarious from start to finish.
June 26th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
I love everyone’s funny comments. I am not funny. Also, I do not know what a URL is, nor an html tag so I obviously have no style either. Perhaps it is because I am from the West Country?! Which is perhaps the answer to my question…why no West Country venues on your next tour?? Cardiff doesn’t count – I am talking Trowbridge Village Pump…or at least Bristol. Have you forsaken us Bill?
June 26th, 2007 at 10:07 pm
I’ve got ham, but I’m not a hamster!
..That phrase will live with me forever.
Awesome atmosphere and performance in the cabaret tent on sunday.
June 27th, 2007 at 1:01 pm
Saw you at Glastonbury! “I’ve got ham but I’m not a hamster”.. pure genius!
June 28th, 2007 at 5:18 pm
Saw you at Glastonbury, it made our whole festival! And we didn’t even get wet cos we were so near the front
The trek back to the tent was another story…
July 3rd, 2007 at 10:57 am
BILL BAILEY FOR EUROVISION!!!! Come on Bill, represent Britain, pleeeeeeeeease!!!!
(all in favour, join the petition now!- add your name below!!)
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:27 am
Totally OT -
Happy National Shed Week!
Squ’Wee
July 4th, 2007 at 10:42 pm
You were spot on as the last act at glastonbury – thank you! You were so funny and made us little mud monkeys very happy
July 16th, 2007 at 5:33 pm
I got ham but i’m not a hamster! Thanks for being you at Latitude, and i hope you’re ok after that theremin explosion.
July 17th, 2007 at 12:13 pm
I’ve got sand but i’m not a sandwich
August 20th, 2007 at 4:16 pm
How did you like Beautiful Days? I think you fit right in there. Much more of a hippy festie with more wizarding folk than you can shake a staff at. Any hope of you returning again in future years or now that you are doing a “stadium” tour will you just be too popular by then?
Loop
x
September 18th, 2007 at 6:56 pm
bill your great cant wait to see you at the nia in november. just wish you would do the eurovision.
October 16th, 2007 at 11:05 am
Bill,
When are you coming to Aberdeen next, I missed you the last time you were here and am greatly saddened by this travesty.
Perhaps you could contact me letting me know of your next trip to the north east or maybe you’d like to do a gig in my back garden, I’d obviously supply you with plenty of beer and barrel loads of mirth.
October 31st, 2007 at 11:56 pm
Belfast was not “Shite” it was brilliant!!!!
Cheers
Paul
November 2nd, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Just seen Bill last night at the Whitla Hall in Belfast as part of the Queens Festival. It was absolutely brilliant!!
“who da pope?
yeah, im da pope!”
November 8th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
What was going on with the sound at Glasto? Couldn’t hear diddly squat.
February 7th, 2008 at 5:54 am
We love you, Bill Bailey. We want to hug your legs!
PS. Please write back as we are desperate for attention and crave your recognition…
Yours Crotchgrabbingly,
Malvern and Heinz
February 18th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Hello Mr. Bailey
I’m 17 and live in Ireland and have never experienced any festival like glastonbury but hopefully i’ll get to see your stand up live in the future
I’m a huge fan(not literally coz i’m a bit vertically challenged)but please don’t retire or something before i get to see you!!!
Evelyn