WIN VIP passes and two tickets to a show from the Bill Bailey: Live 2009 Tour
Posted by Bill on June 8th, 2009
UPDATE
This competition is now closed.
(subject to terms & conditions)
Bill Bailey Merchandising recognises that the customer is right most of the time and so would like to get inside your minds and hear about what you want with regards to their products (not your life in general as they don’t have the administrative support for that). So let them know what you think via the link below and, for a lucky questionnaire-filler-in selected at random, Bill will see you on tour. Bonne chance.
Oh, and you won’t have to worry about them passing on your details to any other party as they won’t, or we’ll give them a Chinese burn or worse.
(note from Bill: Is the term Chinese burn offensive? What do Chinese people call the spinny round wrist twizzle? The English Unpleasantness?)
This competition is now closed.
June 8th, 2009 at 9:57 am
More everything-Bill Bailey please. Screensavers? Bill Bailey ring tone? (love song
), Mobile video clips? Bill Bailey TV?
June 8th, 2009 at 9:59 am
Can we have pocket money stuff?I know you have the plectrum but that excludes most of us from buying anything under a fiver.
June 8th, 2009 at 9:59 am
Not sure about the Chinese, but I know that the Finnish call them Indian Burns.
June 8th, 2009 at 10:02 am
Just keep making things with pics of that hairy bloke on them.
On the subject of Chinese burns, I have no opinion. Hope that helps.
Have I won?
June 8th, 2009 at 10:05 am
I’d like to see merchandise relavant to the tour in question. how about an ‘Axis of Evil’ answerphnoe or perhaps a remote controlled segway complete with german efficiency?
Failing that, official Bill Bailey scrumpy should suffice
June 8th, 2009 at 10:07 am
Hi there,
We’ve already got tickets but what the hell….! As for merchandise, it’s essential that the t-shirts are of good quality and don’t twissle in the wash or some such variant. There needs to be a good and humorous selection of items – IN ALL THE DIFFERENT SIZES! How many times have I got to the front of the queue to be told ‘we’ve only got XXL’, that’s no blummin good for size 12 girlie….ok for my gorilla of a husband. Some imagination needs to be spent when it comes to all the other stuff you can get, lighters, passes, programs, hats…..If Bill cannot think of something mind blowingly amusing I will eat my ticket, as he’s possibly the funniest man on the planet!
June 8th, 2009 at 10:07 am
i would love a genuine real life bill baily bust as per the cover of the classic DVD box set!
June 8th, 2009 at 10:11 am
I’d like a Bill Wig, with a beard chin strap if possible. Imagine Bill’s joy when he looks out at an audience filled with lookalikes. The pub afterwards would be magnificent.
June 8th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Having purchased all of Mr. Baily’s DVD’s, I am a proud follower of the illustrious Comedian. I have attempted to purchase live tickets but have been unsuccessful in the process due to popular demand. Having noted one of Bill’s many twitter updates in which he claimed it would be possible to win tickets to one of his shows, i thought it would be the perfect opportunity to give getting a ticket one last try. As far as merchandise is concerned, i’ll be purchasing a lot more of it with the right motive… (tickets)
Many Thanks,
Danny
June 8th, 2009 at 11:04 am
Guide to the orchestra on DVD please!
June 8th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
I think the Merch on this site is better than everything, EVER!
June 8th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Enjoy everything Bill Bailey does, especially in Black Books…. and looking like a Lord Of The Rings extra can’t not help either
June 8th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
I think Bill should step aside and allow the true hero of the hour into the limelight: Leonardo the Woodlouse merchandise!! We could have a picture of the crustacean himself on the front, a weblink to his twitter homepage, some classic Leo musings perhaps.
I suppose, technically being Mr. Bailey’s merchandise, it may be appropriate to put his name or website link somewhere too.
June 8th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
OMG Bill You Are Hilarious, I Could Actually Sit And Watch You All Day Long. Is There Anything You Can Make Funny ? lol Im A Huge Fan And Wish You All The Best For The Future
Just Keep Doing What Your Doing 
xxx
June 8th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Oh And Tinselworm Was Absolutely Hilarious, Best Thing Ive Watched This Year !!!!
xxx
June 8th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Bill: The Chinese should be flattered! So painful, yet so brilliant!
June 8th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
i reckon the dvd’s are brilliant; only two problems; 1: they’re not long enough and 2) i want to get his musical door chimes for my ring tone but can’t find them!! welcome to manchester
June 8th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
socks
June 8th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
I loved your show (your music gig in Wembley) – loved the guitar duo with the Indian musician (was it Sitar player?) – would love to see a stand up from you embedding something similar maybe one with Iranian classic instruments (santoor or something similar) – if you mix some Turkish dancing that will get everyone going – you are a genius – you can make it work
Warmest Regards
Ladan Genever
June 9th, 2009 at 7:57 am
My partner does so much for and he absolute thinks you the funniest thing he’s heard. And I would like to surprise him with something he likes. So hopefully this will make he so exstatic. Because…well..you are quite funny:P.
June 9th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
What about a Bill Bailey hairdo/beard mask combo?
June 10th, 2009 at 9:11 am
Please tell Colonel Bill I sorted my toast soldiers into rank this morning. Can you also tell him that I think he might be slowly losing his westcountry burr and this makes me sad.
June 10th, 2009 at 11:21 am
If I don’t win these tickets I’m going to work hard and become a comedian. Then I’ll meet Mr. Bailey in passing during a comedy festival in Bath and slap him. I’ll slap him good.
June 10th, 2009 at 11:30 am
I think the merchandise is generally very good, but I think some T-shirts with quotes from Bill’s shows would go down very well. I’d certainly buy a ‘Satan’s furry jam hats’ shirt, for example!
June 10th, 2009 at 11:46 am
I would prefer more pairs of Bill`s used pants. Preferably heavily soiled.
June 10th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
I they’re good especially that one. I like the prtty colours.
June 10th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
just noticed that in my first comment it says ”is there anything you can make funny ?” it was meant to say ”is there anything you CANT make funny ?” lol sorry =/
xxx
June 10th, 2009 at 8:52 pm
umbrellas with Animals and Bill Baileys face, towels, as you should always know where you towel is.
June 10th, 2009 at 10:49 pm
I want Binge! as i love it!!
June 11th, 2009 at 9:57 am
Haha well I’m Chinese and I don’t find the term Chinese burn offensive! Maybe it’s just that we have really warm hands? You could cook a chicken fillet on them, if you wanted food poisoning…
June 12th, 2009 at 8:30 am
I want your products not to include the following: sharp, unstable springs, lead, blue-fin or skipjack tuna, dolphin eggs, plutonium, a foreword by Richard Bacon, quotes from Shakespeare, banana flavouring, anthrax, a virus that would turn me into a zombie, a cure for baldness that has the side-effect of turning me into a zombie, ghosts or anything to do with Morris Dancing. Everything else is fine.
June 12th, 2009 at 8:34 am
I love all the stuff available as is. A wide variety of clothing, accessories and downloads are what I look for to buy!
June 12th, 2009 at 8:35 am
You give good tweet
June 12th, 2009 at 8:40 am
Merchandise requirements: polo shirts (even golfers can have a sense of humour, you know); cufflinks (ditto – see ‘Keep calm and carry on’ for ideas); inflatable chairs (kidding… just kidding)
June 12th, 2009 at 8:43 am
lots of freebies would be nice.
Re Chinese burns I used to think thats how people where killed in battle.
June 12th, 2009 at 8:53 am
I would like a mini Bill Bailey to carry in my pocket and sit on my desk. A real-mini Bill Bailey please. Can you do that? Perhaps if you borrow that machine from the new version of the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory film where they transport the kid into a TV, you would have a starting point …
Re Chinese Burns – I bet it is now offensive. I got an ear full for saying Chinese Whispers the other day, and surely the whole burn things have more violent and thus offensive connotations.
June 12th, 2009 at 8:57 am
I feel that a line of Bill Bailey underwear would go down a treat… no not Bill’s own underwear, although I’m sure there’s a market for it somewhere. Ewe, I’ve just put myself off my breakfast. Thanks guys, thanks very much for bringing this up, i fear my toast is now soon to follow.
What was i saying… erm… oh yes, Pants please.
Many thanks and kind regards, I look forward to this message being put straight in the virtual bin.
Gordon Burns
June 12th, 2009 at 9:02 am
bill is the business. i live in dublin but will travel to see your show.tickets please.
June 12th, 2009 at 9:16 am
do you know if you type in ‘alpine horn for sale’ into a search engine you get
http://www.boer-goats-farmstay-bed-breakfast.com/goats-for-sale-michigan.html
(Goats for sale.)
June 12th, 2009 at 9:18 am
Bill Bailey branded contraceptives,
The Bill Bailey Pill
The Bill Bailey Condom
The Bill Bailey patch
and perhaps even the Bill Bailey vasectomy
June 12th, 2009 at 9:19 am
Given recent twitterings, I would like to see a full range of Bill Bailey Confectionary…in a Willy Wonka style, but less worrying. slightly.
June 12th, 2009 at 9:36 am
I want BB shoes, with hair and carpet.
June 12th, 2009 at 10:00 am
I wan’t a BB face mask
June 14th, 2009 at 3:50 am
On the subject of Miniature!Bill as suggested above: how about a real, genuine miniature Manny Bianco? He could sit on your desk with a little glowy halo, quoting mangled pearls of wisdom from the Little Book Of Calm at random intervals to see you through stressful work days.
I’d buy that.
June 18th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
i’m chinese. no, we call it the churchill manouver.
June 19th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME BILL? you’ve been away too long. lol
June 21st, 2009 at 10:43 am
how about a BB keyboard with sound effects and stuff?
June 26th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
God, all these suggestions are much better than mine, and I won!
August 14th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
hi bill, was lucky enuff to c u at plymouth on friday. wat can i say, wat an amazing gig, i havent had so much fun in a very long time, thanks for the extra encores, u must have been knackered. and the chance to have a photo with u. i had a motorbike accident the following day, but didnt need gas and air coz i was still buzzin from friday nite despite a broken shoulder. good medicine. would b excellent to see u in queens hall theatre in barnstaple one day, but different than ilfracombe lol. p.s. will bring some revels but take out the orange ones. much love from tiverton.